Dark Shadows

Hello readers.

And before you roll your eyes and sigh about the fact that this modernworkinggirl’s re-entrance into the blogosphere seems to be kicking off with a movie review of all things, rest assured.

This is no such post.

For others of you wondering what I’m talking about, check out the Entertainment section of your daily newspaper.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, because it’s been a while since I’ve slept. It’s funny, what a lack of sleep does and doesn’t do to you. I’m sure that all mothers out there would agree – the sleep deprivation in that first year, wasn’t it both worse than and not as bad as you feared?

Most of us experience insomnia at some stage of our lives, and more people than you might think live with it chronically. So I don’t particularly want to rail off a laundry list of causes and effects or symptoms and resolutions.

What I really want to do is complain about make-up for one quick second.

I have these dark shadows under my eyes.  In the first few weeks, I wore them proudly, as battle scars or some sick kind of proof: ‘Hey, look at me! I’ve had 2 hours of sleep in the last 2 nights and I’m still buying this sandwich at Tesco! I’m amazing!” In the next few weeks, I wore them more with a more desperate pride, and, I hoped, as a kind of identifier. I wanted other insomniacs to seek me out, stop me on the street maybe, so we could swap stories about what 4am really looks like: “I never knew how depressing the tweeting of a lark could be…”

But the glow of pride has worn off in recent weeks, though the shadows seem to remain. And you know what?

It is really throwing off my morning routine.

I’ve always been a girl-on-the-move. I used to get to work early because I didn’t want to sit at home between breakfast and 8.30am with nothing to do. And make-up, though certainly an invention I can get behind, is not something I have patience for generally. For years I’ve been proud to only pack two ‘girly’ cosmetics with me on trips, to add colour to my pale English lashes and brows.

But this dark shadows thing, man…what’s a girl like me to do? Do I take the plunge and invest in some of that white stuff to cover up the purple lines? If so, do I go for powder, or for cream? For a roll-on stick, or an applicator tip? And can we dialogue about the stress of looking for make-up? Am I the only one who is overwhelmed by the cosmetic area in most pharmacies or grocery stores? Does it drive anyone else to sleeplessness to wade through 12 different branded sections, each carrying similar but different products? Why can’t all of the lipstick be grouped together? It takes 12 times as long to make a decision!

I suppose, in the minute and grand schemes alike, this is the least of my present worries.  But, to overuse a phrase, it’s the small things in life…

I hope these past five weeks have kept you well and in the sun.

Let’s talk again soon.

7 thoughts on “Dark Shadows

  1. Welcome back! Dark circled, overwhelmed at Boots, make-up-free, all covered up.
    I’ll take you any way you are

  2. NB: fathers as well as mothers suffer from sleep deprivation in the first year of parenting! It’s not just a woman thing.

  3. Welcome back….I salute you in your crusade…with a few more years behind me than you I am still bamboozled…and still have black rings…

  4. Whooooo Hooooo! You’re back! We’ve so missed you! And the lack of sleep thing hasn’t had any effect on your writing abilities. Wish I could help you with the dark circle dilemma but I am personally cosmetically challenged. I hope tonight brings you a restful night’s sleep.

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