Sleepless in Oxford

For the past 5 days, I’ve been a complete insomniac.

True confessions.

And of course, it’s that famous cycle where you get it into your head that you’ll never sleep again and then WHOOP! Surprise, surprise, you don’t sleep that night.

That may be simplifying things, but not too much I’d venture to say.

After two sleepless nights last Wednesday and Thursday, I decided to pull out all the stops in an effort to lull my body into la-la-land.

This primarily involved buying turkey.

Tryptophan, right?! Wasn’t that the coolest fact that whizzed round the elementary school playground every November?

“Dude, didn’t you know? Turkey will put you to SLEEP man. Honest. My mom told me. It’s got trilofan in it. It’s like a druuuug.” [*kid pretends to drag on a joint and flops arms like he thinks a drugged out person might do. other kid joins in. soon every kid on the playground looks like a turkey. (Get it? Turkey?)*]

Now I was never one to spread rumours, but this one was, like, too good to pass up. Drugs, man, in turkey man!

So in my desperation I bought this hunk of meat, for £1.61. Maybe the picture doesn’t show it, but this thing was huge.

I guess the price should have tipped me off as to the quality…

We tried to eat it. We really did! But some things are meant to be marveled at, and not consumed. Turns out a detached turkey leg is just one of those wonders of the world. The thing was tough as cow hide.

Most of it ended up in our trash can, which, I hear, had an excellent night of sleep. [footnote: apologies to anyone who has read this post before eating. Please, enjoy your food.]

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